2007: The Year In Review

The Texas Democratic Quality of Life Index for 2007 is a powerful, secret number. It can only be determined by discussing some of the big political happenings from the last year, considering what they mean, and then assigning an arbitrary score to those events to indicate their political impact. This is not the DPI that your friends talk about when they use some obscure formula to determine how a generic Democrat would perform against Abraham Lincoln in your precinct in the event of a meteor strike. This is the TDQLI 2007.

January
January 4: Nancy Pelosi becomes the first female Speaker of the House. Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh heard wailing, gnashing teeth. (+10)

January 9: Texas State Legislature begins 80th Session. Republicans blissfully unaware of the beatings they are in for over the next several months. (+3)

January 9: Tom Craddick re-elected as Speaker of the Texas House, setting up a very public and ill-executed future power grab. Republicans blissfully unaware of the beatings they are in for several months from now. (-5)

January 23: George Bush delivers the State Of The Union address. "Everything is cool, guys," says Bush, despite the fact that everything is not cool. (-5)

February
February 8: NBC's Tim Russert testifies at the trial of Scooter Libby. Is removed from court after yelling "I'LL ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE, PAL!" at presiding judge Reggie B. Walton. (+2)

Mid-February: Everyone in America that has not previously announced that they are running for President announces they are running for President, says they are looking forward to debates. (+4)

February 23: Barack Obama wears a cowboy hat briefly during a rally in Austin. (+3)

March
Early March: The Fox News Democratic Debate is canceled after Democratic candidates boycott and / or criticize the idea. Fox balls up its fists and stamps its feet, although it suspects the boycott may be due to the early release of the following lightning round question: "Why don't filthy liberals have souls, and instead of hearts have inky black holes where morality disappears and terrorists hide? 30 seconds, keep it fair and balanced." (+5)

Mid-March: The US Attorney firing scandal comes to one of many heads, this time over deleted White House emails. Karl Rove, if possible, looks sweatier and less pleasant than usual. (+6)

April
April 18: The Blackberry network crashes. The Texas Blue's entire readership has a nervous breakdown. (-9)

April 19: Joe Trippi joins the Edwards campaign. Shortly there after, John Edwards wins the Internet. (+2)

Late April: Voter ID rears its ugly head in the Texas Lege. Republicans everywhere reach for their copies of "Chicken Soup For the Poll Tax Apologist's Soul" (-10)

May
May 1: Lege briefly considers setting the Texas primary for February 5, 2008. Bill fails after being torpedoed by Lieutenant Governor David Dewhurst, claiming the proximity of an early primary to Valentine's Day would "totally wreck his game." Paul Burka agrees, writing that "... a player's life is very complicated." (-3)

May 11: Republican State Senator Tommy Williams wears a Darth Vader mask on the floor of the Texas Senate. (-?)

May 11: No, really, Republican State Senator Tommy Williams wears a Darth Vader mask on the floor of the Texas Senate. And this is, after all, the Democratic Performance Index. (+5)

May 23: Voter ID bill dies in Texas Senate, thanks in large part to the heroism of State Senator Mario Gallegos. (+10)

May 29: The Glorious General Tom Craddick, Shall We All Mention Positive Things About Him Often, declares himself Emperor of Texas. (-6)

May 29: After declaring himself emperor, the Glorious General Tom Craddick, Shall We All Do What He Says All The Time While Blinded By His Brilliance, immediately declares war on anyone who has ever been anything less than totally supportive of him ever. The people of Texas notice how ridiculous he is. (+10)

June
June 15: Texas Monthly releases their annual Best and Worst Legislators list. Curiously, no category for "Most Insane," so State Senator Tommy Williams' love of Star Wars goes unrecognized. (-2)

June 15: Perry vetoes community college funding, indicating that he may possibly have something against all that fancy book learnin'. (-5)

Mid-June: Mortgage meltdown asserts that it is very, very real. (-7.25%)

July
July 10: McCain's Campaign explodes, continues on as McCain's Zombie Campaign (+4)

July 24: Democratic candidates for President have their 28th debate, this time centering around some video website for tubing. (+6)

August
August 25: The DNC sanctions the state of Florida for attempting to set their 2008 presidential primary on September 28th, 1997. (+7)

September
September 1: Duncan Hunter wins Texas GOP Straw Poll (+/- lol)

Early September: General Petraeus delivers the Iraq progress report. "Everything is cool, guys," says Petraeus, despite the fact that everything is not cool. (-5)

Early September: The TDP holds the first ever ePrimary. John Edwards actually wins the Internet by coming out on top. (+2)(.com)

September: Something happens involving Idaho Senator Larry Craig. (+/-0)

September 19: Consider this the year of the State Senator - Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers sues God. (+what?)

September 20: Republican State Representative Kirk England switches his party affiliation to Democratic. GOP / Democratic seat ratio in Texas House shifts to 80-70. (+10)

October
October 3: President Bush vetoes health care for children. Senator John Cornyn will go on to vote against health care for children several times. In case you were wondering (and for the last time), Compassionate Conservatism isn't real. (-10)

October 9: Having solved every other problem at hand, Texas' junior senator John Cornyn turns his attention to bats. (-3)

October 12: Al Gore wins the Nobel Prize, becomes president of the international cool kids' table. (+7)

October 26: FEMA holds a fake news conference about wildfires in Malibu. There isn't a joke here; this actually happened. (-5)

November
November 6: Texans vote overwhelmingly to cure cancer. (+10)

Early November: 75 more debates. The winner of each and every one is The American People. (+3)

Late November: Karl Rove tries to blame Congress for Iraq. (-2)

Late November: ...and everyone laughs at him. (+7)

December
December 18: Democrat Dan Barrett wins special election in Texas House District 97. GOP / Democratic seat ratio shifts to 79-71. (+10)

TEXAS DEMOCRATIC QUALITY OF LIFE INDEX, 2007: 52.085
MOE: +/- 4.5%